4am Menopause Rants

In the middle of a wonderful dream involving chocolate silk pie and a 1960 Thunderbird, I woke up screaming random curse words. Since then, I’ve been awkwardly sitting upright in bed and drenched in sweat – all courtesy of our dear friend MEN-O-PAUSE. Is it a coincidence that menopause starts with the word MEN?

Probably not.

It’s just another way for the man to keep a strong woman down. Making her obsessed with ice cubes and ceiling fans.

I digress.

I’m watching the news, why are all the men so damn ugly? They can be fat, balding, and two cards short of a full deck while all the women on TV have to look like the just walked of a beauty pageant stage in Texas. They are currently talking about “why men cheat” – obviously a very news worthy topic. (insert sarcasm here)

I will tell you why men cheat Mr. Morbidly Obese Anchorman and Shania Twain Look-Alike Anchorwoman: the thought of sex makes women want to vomit when they are going through menopause. So, our husbands are more likely to cheat. Rocket science.

There. I said it. It’s true. Don’t shoot the messenger. Even if Brad Pitt wanted to throw down with me in the sack I wouldn’t. I’d tell him to get his ass off me. Then I’d roll over, take a bite of Snickers, and drift off to sleep.



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Comments: 3

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  • I had a very good laugh after reading your Oct.16th rant. Nice to know someone gets it….. Valerie

  • R U Sure I'm not..

    I have so enjoyed reading your Blog…(the 1st blog I have ever read)
    A lil’ Bio… Soon to be 40, I had a complete hysterectomy at 33 because of Endometrosis & fibroid tumors. I took Synthetic HRT until a lump was found in my right breast. (Not Cancer)
    I’m 10 weeks into Bioidential HT and was doing so much better!!! I switched from the creams to the Trokies because I ran out of cream 4 days before my 1st blood test. I am currently not digging the Wintergreen Trokies, I would rather have a root-canal than take these!They take about 20~30 min to dissolve in my cheek or under my tongue. So I haven’t taken them for 4 or 5 days!!! I had a major menopause~manic episode this am. I can’t believe my husband and daughter didn’t Baker Act me! After reading your blog I got my lazy/crazy/fat ass up and took my trokie like a woman…for my fam’s sake! Thanks for blogging!!!!!

  • RU Sure-

    I’m still trying to get my mood swings under control, so that’s all I’m sure of right now! I just take it day by day.

    Let me say that as women, it’s so typical that we do everything for everyone else first! Sure, taking care of yourself for your family is important but do it for you first!

    Check out BodyLogicMD.com and don’t give up.

    Judy B.