4am Menopause Rants
In the middle of a wonderful dream involving chocolate silk pie and a 1960 Thunderbird, I woke up screaming random curse words. Since then, I’ve been awkwardly sitting upright in bed and drenched in sweat – all courtesy of our dear friend MEN-O-PAUSE. Is it a coincidence that menopause starts with the word MEN?
It’s just another way for the man to keep a strong woman down. Making her obsessed with ice cubes and ceiling fans.
I’m watching the news, why are all the men so damn ugly? They can be fat, balding, and two cards short of a full deck while all the women on TV have to look like the just walked of a beauty pageant stage in Texas. They are currently talking about “why men cheat” – obviously a very news worthy topic. (insert sarcasm here)
I will tell you why men cheat Mr. Morbidly Obese Anchorman and Shania Twain Look-Alike Anchorwoman: the thought of sex makes women want to vomit when they are going through menopause. So, our husbands are more likely to cheat. Rocket science.
There. I said it. It’s true. Don’t shoot the messenger. Even if Brad Pitt wanted to throw down with me in the sack I wouldn’t. I’d tell him to get his ass off me. Then I’d roll over, take a bite of Snickers, and drift off to sleep.