Five Things I Wish I Knew About Menopause Before Starting Menopause

My friends don’t seem to be going through it.  My two older sisters don’t seem to be going through it.  My aunties don’t talk about it.  My mother had a hysterectomy at a young age and passed away when I was 23.  Nobody seems to be able to talk to me of this “passage” I am enduring.

Google has become my Mama.  I have learned a lot of things from my Mama.  Some good, some bad, some funny, and some sad.  (Someone please stop me, I am sounding like a Dr. Seuss Menopause book!)

Here is a list of things I wish I knew about menopause before starting.  There are many more, but let’s start slowly:

1.       When once you were a very even-keeled and gentle woman, you are suddenly going to be faced with the demon within.  I am now throwing shoes in my car and hissing at people like a rabid cat.  Sometimes my moods are so absurd I have to laugh.  I guess we won’t worry until I am actually hurling my sneakers at the insane people around me.

2.       Sleep.  Don’t get too attached!   I am THRILLED if I get several hours of uninterrupted sleep.   I have also suddenly grown an intolerance to wine.  BOOOOO!  If I have more than one glass, I am awake at 2 am working on beating my high score on Tetris.

3.       Sex.  It will change.  Since my oldest Mini Maniac reads this, I will leave this up to your imagination.  Don’t want to scar the poor kid!  Better yet, we will let Diane, our other Maniac tell you about that! 😉

4.       Hot Flashes.  If you think it’s a hot flash, it probably is.  I was in hot flash denial.  I even told Dr. Thomas that I don’t have them.  He seemed skeptical.  I told him “Well, sometimes I am sitting in a room…suddenly it feels like 1000 degrees….I start fanning myself …go turn down the thermostat and say ‘is it just me, or is it hot in here?’  That’s not a hot flash, right?”   He smiled at me and said “That’s a hot flash.”  FINE!  WHATEVER!  (See item number one on how I reacted to this bit of news).

5.       Weight Gain .  GRRRRRR!­  The other day I was doing my hair in my underwear.  It was hot!  (See #4)  I got a mirror to check out the back of my hair.  I turned around with my back to the big mirror, held up the hand mirror and gasped.  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?  That, my dear, is your new friend….back fat!  Screw the back of the hair!  I am never looking again!  If I am walking around with bed-head, keep your mouth shut!


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 8

(comments are closed)

  • Diane

    Menopause gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “if I don’t laugh I’ll cry”, doesn’t it?

  • Yvette

    Laughing my ass off! Sorry but, its funny! Im your oldest sister and I do think I am going through some of these things but, I don’t think about it. Really, its how I deal with it… I don’t have time! HA HA ! Love you! And I LOVE everything about you!!!

  • Great post! It reminds me of the musical “Menopause.”

  • Wendy

    I read your posts religiously and appreciate your honesty about what you are going through. I will say that I sympathize with you about your new “friend” (back fat). I have been going through that for several years now just because of my thyroid condition so I understand the need to cry and the need to scream at your body about that. Love you!

  • Denise

    Monica, from what I can figure you have been on the BH for about a month now, have you been seeing any progress? My best friend went to a BodyLogic Dr. in Chicago back in Feb. She said she started feeling better in 2 weeks and felt great in 6 weeks.

  • Monica

    Diane, that’s the truth! Although sometimes I do cry.

    Yvette, I am glad you are laughing! Although I know you don’t have the back fat yet! Hate you! 😉

    Thank you, Unrepentant! 🙂 We definitely have to keep a sense of humor, don’t we?

    Wendy, you are so sweet for reading. Thank you! The weight gain is really hard for me. It keeps creeping up and I am fighting it every step of the way. Not easy! Hugs and love you too!

    Denise, that’s a great question! I am scheduled for my follow-up next month. I am curious and anxious to see if there have been any changes with the hormone levels. I will blog about this soon. Thank you for asking! Big hugs to you.

    You all keep my spirits up! 🙂


  • oldest mini maniac

    thank you for sparing me the sex talk…
    love you mama

  • Monica

    Oldest mini maniac….don’t worrry, we don’t do THAT! Never have! 😉