Spit Day

The day is finally here!  I have Googled saliva testing, watched demonstration videos (with no spitting in them!?), and read the directions five times.

I have to admit something.  I think spitting is nasty.  I am a very judgmental person when it comes to Spitters.  I turn into an immature little brat when I see them spit.  “Ewwww, that’s so gross!”  you can hear me saying.  I see little wads of spit on the ground and walk around them on tip toes like it is made of acid.  Some people open the door of their cars and spit directly on the ground.  I can’t help but think that spit is now on my tires!

Evidently God has a sense of humor because I get to fill up FOUR vials of my spit.  I better get over the phobia pretty quick!  I have a three-day window in which to spit.  I woke up at 4 this morning and almost filled my first (and biggest!) vial.  You know what stopped me?  I had garlic on my pasta for dinner the night before.  I was in bed wondering if the garlic would make my spit smell funny.  I imagined the poor lab technician opening up my vial and dropping on the ground and fainting from the smelly spit.  I then imagined this person getting up and calling every other lab tech into the room to smell the disgusting garlicky spit and laughing.  Then, in a fit of giggles, they call me up at home, suggest a good tooth brushing and repeat the test.  These are the things I am thinking about!!

I really need to do something about this insomnia!

 

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Comments: 4

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  • Diane

    You are hilarious!

     
     
     
  • Yvette

    Laughing! I can just imagine you doing this? Remember, it’s worth it!

     
     
     
  • too funny! I had to do the same thing about 2 weeks ago… I thought the same exact thing about the garlic! I get to go to the docs today to find out the results. If there is a god, I will find out that my hormones are out of whack and that’s why I have gained weight and feel like absolute crap!

    I just found this post googling “saliva test”… so I’m off to read all your posts on this and to see if you got results from all that spit!!! hee, hee…

    I have been too embarrassed to post about my “spitting”… maybe, you have, just maybe, inspired me to tell the world about this experience. It is amazing that our spit can tell so much about us!!! LOL!

    thanks!
    kathleen

     
     
     
  • Monica

    Hi Kathleen!

    It’s good to know there are other spit-phobics out there! How did it go at the doctor’s today?

    I was really preparing myself for the doctor to tell me that nothing was wrong with me. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I really do indeed have hormonal imbalances that need to be remedied.

    Please keep me posted!

    Take good care,
    Monica